Day 50 - Merry Christmas 🎄

Hello everyone.....firstly, Merry Christmas. 🎄 Secondly, thank you for the amazing feed back from the last blog. It was the hardest one that I have had to write but I am so glad I wrote it and its made some people realise there is no shame.  Thank you so much. xxxx

This definitely feels like a very different Christmas this year doesn't it?  For me, I am used to being with  our families.  We take turns, so year we should have been with Robs family and mine on boxing day.  I was hoping this year I would have got to see my Brothers, its been quite a while since we all spend Christmas together and I miss them both terribly, especially my older brother who I haven't seen for about a year and a half. A trip to Poland is definitely on the cards for Rob and I in 2021!  

The one positive thing I can take from not being able to see the family are that I wont be around the dreaded booze which is inevitable at this time of year.  I can sit at home in my cosy clothes all day, no make up, snuggled on the sofa whilst Rob cooks a killer Christmas dinner.  I have said to Rob to have some beers or more like persuaded him.  I am very lucky that he isn't a big drinker because he can take it or leave it and has made it clear he doesn't want it in my face.  Funnily enough seeing Rob drinking beer does not bother me in the slightest, but watching him drinking red wine would! I actually enjoy watching him relax, watching all those stresses wash from him. I would struggle watching my family drinking wine and prosecco and more so struggle watching there moods alter, watching them get lighter and more merry as the day and night goes on. I would envy that because its the feeling I enjoy the most. I wouldn't envy the hangover though! 😆

I have been poorly for a good few days now with an upper respiratory virus.  I was in bed for a few days just trying to get better.  Rob was amazing, made sure I kept dosed up, literally waited on me hand and foot and helped when my breathing was bad. I had an awful hacking cough and was very breathless, walking up the stairs was a struggle.  My Mum also had the same thing and we are both now left with a cold with absolutely no taste or smell.  Fingers crossed I can taste all that yummy food over Christmas.    

We have all the kids over Christmas and we are in tier 4.  So plenty of board games and walks are on the cards I think.  I do get stressed out when my house starts to become messy but I really need to just chill out and realise its just mess and it can be tidied up.  I know it sounds silly and most people think, bit of mess...so what!  But for me I feel like I am losing control and order and that in turn makes me a moody bitch. 

I have a good feeling about the new year once covid-19 is done and dusted.  Rob and I have many trips planned and many things personally we are looking forward too.  Places we want to take the kids adventures we want to go on.  We certainly wont be taking things for granted again after this. 2021 I will concentrate on myself and not drinking, I am looking forward to my life of sobriety just not always the battles I may face.  All that matters is that I have Rob, the kids, my Mum and all my family and closest friends and as long as I have them I will be just fine. 

I don't have anything specific to talk about in this blog, everything is good at the moment, I haven't had any cravings since my last one but I have noticed I dream about drink more (I have read this is normal). We are all looking forward to this strange Christmas, chilling and eating and watching films.  Aslong as the kids have a good Christmas, that is all that matters and that is all I aim for.  I have gone a bit overboard with presents again, I am always guilty of thinking they haven't got enough so they end up having so much.  I do also tell them how lucky they are that they do not go without and that they always remain grateful, that is important to me.  I feel so blessed to have such kind hearted children.

Anyway, I hope you all have a good Christmas and remember everyone is feeling strange this year so if you're feeling a little down this year like a lot of us then dont be so hard on yourself. 

A special shout to my man Rob who I love so dearly with all my heart, my future husband, my soul mate, my best friend.  Forever and always my love. x

Merry Christmas, here is too a better new year. 

Lots of love 

Stacey